Gentleness and Strength
by BGlanders
Summary: A short story about Nobuyuki and Achika


Gentleness and Strength

A short story about Nobuyuki and Achika

By Bglanders

*** 

Despite how clichéd it sounds, it really is hard to admit how you feel about someone.

I should know.Time and again I'd try to sum up the courage to tell her how I truly felt, to finally let her know what my true feelings were… and time and again I'd find myself frozen in place by her smile.I know she had feelings for me, and that they were as strong as mine for her, it's just… I was scared.Somewhere deep down I just knew that if I told her how I felt, if I poured my soul out to her, she'd reject me.I know it's crazy.I mean it was pretty obvious that she was in love with me.I just wish… I just wish I had told her sooner.

I think the first time I knew I was in love with her was when I looked into her eyes.I'm not talking about a passing glance… I mean when I really looked into her eyes and saw what type of person she really was.She was so full of life, of mischief and determination.In her I saw gentleness and strength wrapped into one.It was this that I fell in love with, this spirit.I was desperate to know what it was that made her life so wonderful.I wanted to know her, to know that gentleness and strength for myself.

Unfortunately, that was also the problem.Where she was strong, I was timid.Where she was confident, I was unsure.She was everything I was not, and I felt intimidated by her own inner beauty.I remember staying up night after night staring at her face in the school yearbook, wondering how it was that she had begun to notice a nobody like me.I couldn't explain it really, I was just happy she seemed to like me.

I don't remember how it happened exactly.I do know that she found me first.She always found me first.That was just the way it went.She'd find me at lunch, or after school and we'd just… talk.We'd talk about our days, our families, and our dreams for the future…We'd talk about everything except how we felt, and that's what hurt the most.

I remember always being mad with myself for never being strong enough for her.I knew she was sick, I had known it for a long time.Whenever she would hurt inside, or get dizzy, or whenever she would quietly crumple into a ball when she thought no one was looking and just cry… those were the times I hated myself the most.I wanted to reach out to her, to help her in any way I could, but… who was I to reach out?She was stronger than I ever was, and this was something that was too much for even her.

Of course I'm not saying I turned my back or anything.When it got so bad that she couldn't hide it any longer, when she collapsed right in front of me I knew… it was serious.Suddenly I was the one who was strong.I was carrying her, because she was too weak to walk.I was looking after her, because she was too drained to move.Suddenly I was the strong one, but for some reason that didn't make me feel any better about it.

When I finally worked up the courage to tell her how I felt, she looked at me as if I had told her something she had known all her life.When she looked at me… when she smiled at me I knew that at that moment her eyes were looking at mine with that same gentleness and strength I had grown to love so long ago.Right then I knew for sure that she loved me, and that she trusted me enough to show me her fragileness as well as her strength, her fears as well as her confidence.To this day, I still feel that as long as we are together, she is the strong one.I just hope she realizes how much she means to me.I just hope she knows how I feel, even to this day… because no matter how many times I tell her, I keep on thinking that it's not enough.For me, she is the one that has made life worth living to the fullest, and I'm forever thankful for that... and for her.

*** 

When I lie here, I wonder if he knows how strong he makes me feel.

Ever since we first met, I've felt like I could do anything just so long as he was by my side.He was shy, reserved and bashful to a fault.I wonder if he knew how much that attracted me to him…Probably not, but still, it's sweet to think he was doing it on purpose.He was the shyest boy in class, but there was something hidden behind that shyness, something special.I just knew there was something different about him, and I had vowed to find out what it was.

I think the first time I knew I was in love with him was when I saw him smile.There was something about his face, the way his eyes gleamed with gentleness and kindness, and his smile was so innocent… That and he was pretty good looking.Still, there was something more to him than good looks.There was real intelligence behind those eyes, and when he stared at me it made me feel all…well… tingly inside.There's no other word to describe it.I tingled when he looked at me.It was like every happy, embarrassing feeling in me was surfacing all at once, and I thought he was going to just look in my eyes and see all of them at once.That's how he made me feel.

My biggest fear was that I'd worry him with my sickness.I never wanted him to see me when I had my attacks.I didn't want him to have to see me like that… so venerable and hurting.I knew he worried about me, and that he cared for me.Despite the countless times he dodged the question, its pretty obvious when a boy likes you.I knew he cared, and I knew he worried about me, so I just pretended nothing was wrong.I never let him know, regardless of the pain, how many times I felt the knives start to stab when we were together.I hated to see him worry.I thought those eyes of his should never have to be filled with worry, especially if it was my fault.

I remember the day he carried me.I couldn't hold it back any longer.The pain… the pain was just too great, that was all.One minute I'm looking at some lovely statues in a gift shop and the next I'm lying crumpled on the floor.Then suddenly, these two strong arms just reached down and scoop me up.Suddenly, it didn't matter how weak I was or how helpless.He was there, and he was strong enough for both of us.He carried me up three flights of stairs just so I could lie down in my bed, and then he stayed with me until I was better.At that moment I knew what it was that I truly loved about him.He was the gentlest person I knew, but at the same time he was stronger than I could ever be.He was strong enough to protect me with his concern, to shelter me with his caring.His gentleness and strength… yes, that's what I love about him.That delicate, wonderful combination was enough to make me fall head over heels in love with him, and I knew we'd spend the rest of our lives together.I knew… because I loved him, and because he loved me.That simple fact was something that nothing, not even this… this sickness can ever change.My one fear is that no matter how many times I tell him I love him, that it won't be enough.He's my world, the other half of my soul, and no matter how many times I tell him that, or how many times we hold each other I just feel that it's never enough.I feel like I should say it one more time… just to be sure.He has made my life worth living to the fullest, and I will be forever thankful for that… and for him.

*** 

Tenchi & Co. belong to TV Tokyo and Pioneer

All C&C should go to [Bglanders@aol.com][1]

www.geocities.com/tokyo/gulf/6417

   [1]: mailto:Bglanders@aol.com



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